Understanding the Danny Amendola Amendment
I have a few rules for life.
Never pass a kid’s lemonade stand without buying a cup (And carry cash in case you pass a kid’s lemonade stand).
A wedding is not official until the band/DJ plays its third Frank Sinatra song. And one of them must be “Summerwind.”
And tennis visors should never be worn by men unless they are in fact playing tennis. But even then they should commit to the full hat.
And, in my head at least, I have a golden rule for fantasy football. Have as many teams as you like, but try like hell not to have the same guy on more than one team.
But that’s easier said than done. During draft season I had a love affair with St. Louis Rams wide receiver Danny Amendola. I knew wide receiver was deeper than listening to Dark Side of the Moon with your stoner buddies. But I had Amendola before and I knew he was THE GUY in St. Louis. Bradford may be a dog, but he’s got to throw to someone. And Matthew Berry sounded like a high school girl talking about Justin Beiber every time he mentioned Amendola. Good enough for me.
So I ended up drafting him twice. Against my better judgment.
Flash forward to week 5. My two Danny teams are 2-2 and 1-3 and really could use a win. In the Thursday night game, no less, he grabs a quick 5 or 6 points and then he snaps his collarbone in the 2nd quarter.
What makes it worse is that I’m playing my girlfriend in one of the leagues. She drafts and bids on hot players only (and has been strangely competitive). And she loves Danny Amendola. When I told her that he broke his collarbone, she literally laughed out loud and giggled for almost a minute. I guess karma really is a bitch.
But I’m the one at fault here. When you draft a player more than once, you are tempting karma as if it was Charlie Sheen and you’re a coke-addicted whore.
So that’s the Amendola Amendment. If you draft a guy twice you practically snap his collarbone yourself. You will pay the price – your team suffers, your girlfriend will mock you, and your ego will be just as bruised as your ill-fated player.